Redefining Professional Challenges as Skill Development

What happens when you stop seeing a difficult colleague as a problem and start seeing them as practice.

The thought of declaring that a file was too much for me crossed my mind this week.

The client is lovely. It’s the opposing counsel I’m having difficulty with. You could not get this woman to say if she thought the sky was blue. She will not answer questions. She will hurl thinly veiled insults in emails. I even got an email saying she would not respond to any more of my emails or letters. The Rules of our profession make responding to letters mandatory, which I advised her of. I hope she didn’t bill her client for the lengthy personal essay she wrote in response. Not a single question answered btw.

I will be honest with you: it has me rattled. This is my third ever file, and it’s by far the most dramatic and demanding. I know difficult counsel exists, but I am truly baffled at the total unwillingness to be helpful and productive. For a moment, I thought it might be a bit much for a brand new lawyer.

But a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.

Before the thought of giving up was even finished crossing my mind, I decided this was actually not something I would give up on. This is a fantastic learning opportunity, and I would be a fool to give up. I want to be the best lawyer I can be. If I can practice dealing with difficult opposing counsel, why wouldn't I take that?

I decided to shift my mindset about how I deal with this lawyer. This was no longer difficult counsel; this was a test of what I have learned and how to apply that knowledge effectively.

I’ve read a ton of literature on conflict resolution and the psychology behind getting people to negotiate productively. I’ve taken courses in college and law school about this. I have three awards for mediation. I’ve had positions, paid and volunteered, where I’ve successfully progressed stuck issues. I have a solid foundation of knowledge and experience; I would be stupid to doubt my ability. I can do it; I just have to figure out how to do it in this situation.

I won’t go into further detail to protect the matter’s privacy, but just know that once I remembered who TF I am, I locked in right away. I put together a strategy and put it to the client. They agreed right away, we implemented the first phase, and we saw an improvement immediately - I did not get another email cussing me out. We also didn't get an answer, but at least I’ve nipped the unprofessional communication in the bud. After three days of getting nowhere, I’ll take the win.

But I credit the mindset shift for helping my clarity. When she was just a difficult lawyer, I was frustrated and found dealing with her emotionally draining. Seeing her as someone I could test out my education, training, and skills on made me excited to deal with her. It’s also an exercise in trusting myself; I know exactly what to do. And if I don’t, I’m lucky to be at a firm with multiple senior lawyers willing to help at a moment’s notice.

A major part of dispute resolution is identifying the underlying problem. I reflected on the counsel’s behavior, what was likely going through her mind, and why she was pushing for the one thing she would move forward with me on. That reflection made me realize what OC was likely trying to achieve- a death-grip control on the process. Meanwhile, I actually wanted this to be a team effort. Once I figured that out, I sent her a carefully thought-out letter and - bada bing, bada boom - we got the matter moving forward.

I’m so proud of myself for this one.